I Love My Life: Calabar lesbian says she is happy she came out of the closet

A known lesbian who decided to leave her marriage to a man and come out the closet says she loves who she is.

A lesbian and Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender [LGBT] rights activist based in Calabar, Cross River State, Pamela Adie, says she is happy with her life after she decided to come out of the closet and disclose her sexual orientation.

The Obudu-born Adie who was seriously vilified when she announced that she is a lesbian after living with her secret for so many years, took to her Facebook page to share the two lessons she learned after she came out of the closet.

Adie explained that she realized she was on her own when she first came out because the people she expected to support her turned their backs on her including her family members.

According to her, many of those friends and family members who refused to support her decision have been silent till date while some do not even wish to be close or have anything to do with her.

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Read what she wrote:

“The first thing I learned is that I’m on my own. It took me a while to realize this because I kept expecting and waiting on family and friends to show support, give approval, and accept me.

Very few did. The others remained silent. And they’re still silent till today because neither has bothered to break the silence.

 

The second lesson is that nobody owes me anything. There’s a tendency to feel entitled to peoples love, acceptance, and financial resources based on their supposed role in our lives...

Mother, father, brother, sister, uncle, aunt, cousin, niece, bestie, friend, etc. Nothing could be more false. You’re not entitled to anything. You want something, work hard for it. Bear the consequences."

Adie added that she has been able to appreciate her life and live the way she wants since she learned the two lessons.

“The sooner I started to feel less entitled, the happier I became. I engaged with those that wanted to engage, laughed with those that wanted to laugh. If I was in need, I asked.

If I got, I appreciated, if I didn’t, no hard feelings. Life continued. That’s how I live my life even now and I’m getting better at it. So, instead of feeling like people owe you anything, work hard on your own and be grateful for life helpers you meet along the way.”

In 2011, Adie who was then married to a man, left her family and friends shocked when she came out to declare openly that she’s a lesbian.

She explained that she had hidden her sexual orientation from her family for years and could not open up to anyone for fear of what the society would say and think of her.

“It would be nice to keep mum about it, forget about my sexual orientation as a lesbian and move on with marriage,” she had said.

For more than two years while she was married, Adie said she was living in pain but with grit and courage when she realized that straight relationships were not meant for her and the best way to salvage the situation was to wipe the slate clean.

“My pain became more than my fear. I came out because I needed to be free from pain, from telling my loved ones lies, from living a double life as a lesbian and a married woman. The burden was just too heavy to bear.

When I came out, I came out to free myself. I didn’t come out because I wanted to be an activist or because I wanted to prove a point. It was really about me.

Even before I came out, I was already in a same-sex relationship but I never saw myself as a lesbian. I hadn’t come out to myself and I always thought that when I get married, it will somehow go away. That’s one of the reasons I eventually got married.

 

At the end of the day, it didn’t go away because it’s not something that goes away. Your sexual orientation is part of who you are and it’s not a choice.”

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Adie was born and brought in a Christian home, raised by staunch Catholic parents in Calabar. When she was 17-years-old, she left for the United States where she earned a Bachelor of Business Administration, with a Minor in Personal and Professional Communication.