To succeed, African women must work hard – Kalebong

Nkeze Emilia Kalebong is Deputy Senate President of Cameroon. In a brief encounter in Lagos, this courageous politician, who rose from District Chairperson to her current dignified position, told Assistant Editor, YETUNDE OLADEINDE, the secret of her success in politics and how African women will win the support of their men. 

Trust and humility played important roles in the success story of Nkeze Emilia Kalebong, the Deputy Senate President of Cameroon.

She told The Nation at a book launch held recently at the Civic Centre, Lagos, that to make a great impact in the political scene, African women will need to work closely with the men.

“If you want to do politics, do politics of the head not of the legs. If you don’t abide with this, you cannot look at them in the faces because your legs were in action. So, if you want to do politics, do politics of the head, not of the legs, don’t open your legs to men. It is important to think of politics like that in every society that you find yourself”.

Hard work, having the right focus, determination, credibility and perseverance, she stressed, are required to break the glass ceiling and compete favourably with men. “It is also important to make sure that you have up to the expectation of the society and you can only do that if you are exposed. You can do that if you belong to a real church and you know your God. You don’t do that when you are there for your personal purpose. The purpose for which you want to do this must be with a name”.

Desperation and cutting corners, she opined, would not get anyone far. “I want to be a parliamentarian; I want to be a governor. I want, I want and I want; and you forget that the lord that made you didn’t make you for that”.

The Deputy Senate President also stressed that when a candidate realises that he or she is not climbing a particular position, then, such a person should know it wasn’t meant for him or her. “Don’t use obnoxious means, don’t be a rat, be as tough-minded as an eagle, swift as a swallow with all your body parts intact. Look up to your husband with fidelity; prove to him that you can fly from Cameroon to Nigeria on purpose, not for sex. Prove to him that you can be elected because you have a goodwill message and that you have a cause”.

Having a strong will and knowing your onions as a politician, Nkeze adds, is very important if you want to get up the ladder in the political terrain. “It should not be because people are panel beating you and pushing you for a purpose because of gender balance. The gender we are saying in the world now should be the gender of the mindset, not of the “leg set”. That is the message I am leaving for Nigerian women.

For women who are of the opinion that men are the problems or the major obstacles in the political arena, she said pointedly, “They should forget about talking about the men: these men, as you see them, have a lot of problems and even after that the Bible says that they may not live for long”.

You know why, she asked rhetorically and continued:  “they do all the work and you were meant to sit there and just harvest. The man has all the thinking to do. A good husband has every other problem to carry. You have just the babies to carry and you don’t deliver all your life.”

Women, she stressed should thank a male for being very supportive. “If you take time and look at your husband, you would know what he wants. If you give him what he wants, he is a baby. You would get everything you want from him”.

To buttress her point, Nkeze goes down memory lane hinting that the real issue is that of over exposure for many. “In the 18th century, we heard that the white American women were fighting hard to step out of bringing little income to support their husband. In 1823, they kept pushing very hard, striving and striving, pushing their messages with all kinds of broadcast to be able to have a job at that time. At that time, only men were working and forced their way. So, imagine since 1823, the United Nations only granted that liberty in 1975 for women to step out. These women fought for sessions and they got to Beijing and they just dictate to us black women”.

The battle line was drawn at this point. “Fight for your rights and we got it upside down: To understand that whatever your husband said must be an antagonizing argument. No, you have missed the point, and the men being the boss, they stood up to protect their ego and that is why you see divorce. That is why people don’t want to marry us; that is why they say if you send the girl child to school, they would come and open eyes. We have missed the point.”

To her, all hope is not lost however. She therefore advised women to go back to the drawing point and make use of the African values which would make things better. “I would say that as African women, our values are still intact. We are only borrowing this language from the British; it is not in our language. The Yoruba man speaks his language; that is where we belong; what does the custom of those tribes tell you? Do they tell you that when your husband says 1+1, you should say 2+2? No! We should stop all these borrowing of attitudes. It is what is deterring Cameroon, Africa and definitely what is deterring Nigeria”.

Education or having some recognition should not be an excuse for women to disrespect their husbands. “It is not because you went to school and you are called a professor that you look at your husband in the face, because he isn’t and you disrespect him. We have our values intact. My husband does not have a degree, I have a master’s degree, but he is my boss. As women, we must keep aside all those things that you go around hearing.  They would not help you. Don’t fight the men, be nice to them.  I bet you, you would have everything that you want if you do that.”

That is not all. “Don’t look beyond your house to see what your husband is doing. Don’t look beyond the reach of your pocket to know how much he has. Just be a humble wife, the proverbial woman and you would have everything that you want. If I did that and I have everything that I have, I declare unto you all, you would have what you want”.

Her message for women therefore is to use wisdom and stop fighting the men. “The problem of the woman is the fight that the white woman has taught us, they taught us how to fight our husband. Be their partners, if the culture says he is marrying four wives and you know, so why would you start a fight when he is marrying a second. If your culture says that he is the boss, just take it that way.”

Nkeze added: “Stop bothering. In the white culture, they marry in the morning and divorce in the evening; is that what you want; these are the ones that would say a child should call the mother by the name. They are the ones that taught us to pick a gun and shoot somebody. We did not have all of that.”