Lagos: 5 types of millennials most affected by 3rd mainland bridge renovation

The closure of the 3rd mainland bridge is both a blessing and a cause for worry, depending on who you are.

From Friday August 24 to Sunday, August 26, 2018, the 3rd mainland bridge will be closed for repairs.

Opened in 1990, the 3rd mainland bridge is the longest of the three bridges that connects the mainland to the Island. With the closure of the bridge for repairs, Lagosians are bracing up for a weekend of traffic on the city.

A lot of people will be affected by the closure and this includes Nigerian millennials who have to use the bridge to get to work or be on their everyday hustle.

Apart from the day to day grinding, the closure of the famous bridge, will affect a bunch of other young Nigerians too.

1) The P-Setters

Mood: Celebrating and punching the air with vitriolic aggression; applauding Ambode’s for being a wonderful father.

Applause and congratulations to those mainland dwelling, island employed folks who will spend Friday couched up with boo on forced leave that extends the weekend to three days.

 

This forced leave is a blessing that might be your ticket to early fatherhood/motherhood with minimal budget, thread softly… Pause.

Onyinye, 27 gladly tells Pulse that “My boyfriend and I have been working since the turn of the year. We tried to fix our leave to the same week earlier in the year but it didn’t work out. Now, we will have 3 days of fun to ourselves. He is an investment banker, so don’t hate, I usually don’t get to have him for this long."

We are happy for you, Onyinye. Just make sure he is ready to have a baby before you agree to something crazy. .

2) Owanbe Crooners

Mood: Sad, downcast and hungry.

Under this heading, they are divided into two; The Party Monsters and The Party Crashers.

Who are they?

When The Party Monsters are male, it’s usually about food. When they’re female, they are usually core members of the famed 'pepper dem gang', with a peculiar sense of style, iPhone adulation and sentimentally cheerful.

 

The Party Crashers; male or female usually use parties as 'hunting ground' — these folks don’t play around. Anything comes, it goes down. It’s that simple.

Fam, asides Wuse, Abuja and Eastern Nigeria lavish parties, Lagos Island parties rock harder than an Elvis Presley album.

For party lovers — mostly Yoruba, of course — it is worrisome news. Uber drivers will miss these folks like Yakubu Aiyegbeni’s shot missed the net — agonizingly. No party this weekend, have fun in your homes.

3) Cravers of the Island Life

Mood: Worried

Once every week, the dream gets a bit closer for these guys.

The ideal is to capture as much Island aesthetic as possible, and then spread those pictures over the coming days of the week.

Incredibly, they never realize they have the same clothes on in all those pictures.

This also includes the “IG taggers” who work at an Ibeju-Lekki, but somehow always tag Victoria Island, Lekki or Oniru to their pictures.

Problem is, their respective offices have the same setting with different locations.

They must have taken this for closure, the hardest. Since it’s easy to garner “fans” on Instagram these days, their fans have are guaranteed a dose of their ‘goodness.’ Unfortunately, Pulse couldn’t reach any of these celebrities for comment.

One wonders which location will be graced with their presence over this weekend since their usually spots on the island are inaccessible.

4) Money Chasers

Mood: Terrible

Imagine the sight of a Liverpool fan, post May 26, 2018 in Kiev; the forlorn figure with worrying amounts of negative energy and compressed fury in tow. Yes, that would have represented a nervy Money Chaser this week had the closure been postponed again.

A bad place would have been their line of fire.

Bro, you would have gotten unloaded on like Rambo drops the guns, while his lonesome fights an entire battalion of 300, at least.

Island Lagos for some is only synonymous with money. It’s their livelihood. That includes those Surulere/Yaba dwellers who spend their days at Oriental and Intercontinental Hotel bars like their counterparts at NICON Hotels, Abuja.

Looking rich is the goal with Aquafina water, deftly supported by one bottle of unopened Hennessey — it never gets opened.

Sometimes, they find enough reason to lavish hard earned funds on a plate of groundnuts.

The goal is usually to finesse their ways into rich, clueless bowels. My one question is; how do they get through days without anyone noticing. Fam, that’s a talent. Elusive tendencies on steroids.

For the ones with sufficient funds to finance another ‘bar-episode’ of these lavish excursions, and a prospective “client” but without access into these locations, meaning a lazy weekend in their one-room self contained apartments at Yaba, this news will imitate an incredible pot of rotten beans.

For the ones with containers in the high seas — that never arrive — and empty bank accounts, whose clients clocked them as Amsterdam returnees and had a meeting with a clueless client, destined to fall victim this weekend, it will be terrible times. Sorry, guys.

P.S: An Autobiography of a career Hotel attendant will be dropping of hot, juicy tales though. Imagine the awesomeness those guys witness even in 3 days.

5) The Lazy Ones

Mood: Ecstatic

A deserved, splendid six hours of continuous snoring won’t be bad, yes??

 

A significant number of the Millennial mainland dwelling, Island employees belong under this heading.

The plan is to shut down and wake up at 12pm on Friday. One can only imagine the transmission from here to Timbuktu, aboard a ferry on excess saliva.

Ijeoma, a 29 year old Accountant, married to a Captain with one kid tells Pulse on Thursday, August 23,, 2018 that “I still plan to drop my son at my Mother-in-Law’s house on Thursday, so I could get that sleep I’ve earned. I feel sleepy already.”

Her joy is felt.

For now dear reader, we think your boss might be calling you… Please pick up your phone.