Homophobia: We need to talk about homosexuality, mostly because of straight women

Straight women are out here getting married to gay men.

Talking about homosexuality is social taboo in Nigeria, but when we do manage to broach the topic, the focus is usually on gay men and the intricacies of intercourse, not on the rest of society, particularly the demographic we tend to see as their opposition; straight women.

One person who hasn’t been reluctant to approach the subject of Nigeria’s culture of homophobia (and has become the unofficial eccentric face of gay people as a result) is the activist and speaker, Bisi Alimi.

Bisi Alimi made quite the point on social media platform, Instagram by sharing a post where he claimed to have no pity for straight women because, in his words, “… as long as you support homophobia and patriarchy, you will keep marrying gay men”.

The post was a follow-up of sorts to a scenario he teased on the only platform where these conversations seem to happen nowadays, Twitter on March 17, 2018.

 

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Supposedly referring to an actual wedding, Bisi wrote, “There is a marriage happening right now somewhere in #Nigeria, with a lot of money invested in it, where the best man is the groom’s boyfriend.”

Can you feel that table shaking?’

Some of the responses to the tweet made a note of addressing the ‘fact’ that Bisi’s veiled sub could have been directed at a large percentage of Nigerian men that we would ordinarily assume.

In Nigeria, homosexuality is a crime. In 2014, then-President Goodluck Jonathan signed a bill into law criminalising same-sex relationships.

The bill, which prescribes sentences of up to 14 years in prison and bans gay marriage, same-sex “amorous relationships” and membership of gay rights groups, was passed by the National Assembly despite outcry from within Nigeria, and the western world, to a larger degree.

The law is merely representative of Nigeria’s deep-seated homophobia.

It’s not an anti-societal view taken by the government as most of the western media portrays it.

Religious views of the two main faiths, Christianity and Islam, as well as tribal tradition have created a hyper-conservative society where LGBTQ persons are persecuted, socially and physically.

Reports have been circulated via local media of gay and lesbian persons who have been attacked or in extreme cases, killed, for their orientations.

Making a case for LGBTQ rights is basically social suicide, depending on how many people are within 100 metres or earshot of your first compassionate sentence.

The environment is so hostile that, while some will swear a fair percentage of Nigerian men are not entirely heterosexual (with the stories and gay orgies to prove it), very few are ever adventurous enough to peek out of the closet.

One of the biggest problems with this approach is that while we act like homosexuality is a culturally-transmitted disease, many Nigerians are forced to live a lie within the social expectations of what a man or woman should do and what milestones should be expected, especially in marriage.

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Just this week, Jaruma Magazine, a publication which describes itself as the “voice of the modern woman” shared one of its interesting divorce stories on Twitter.

 

Scenarios like this make Bisi Alimi’s case for him.

It's a thin line between activism and hypocrisy

When we talk about homosexuality, the questions that are asked are often about who is on top, how they manage their families and whether there’s enough space in hell for all the gay people in the world.

It takes the focus away from how our very conservative society handles homosexuality and what happens in a society where there are gay people who have to live their lives as if they are not.

Gay men are in marriages all over Nigeria with frustrated spouses who believe, wrongly, that the problem is them, not their partner.

When issues like these arise, we treat them as the product of neglecting to know and understand one’s spouse when in fact, it is a case of violently suppressing people for a moral interpretation of their sexual orientation.

For all of Bisi Alimi’s noble intentions though, we would achieve nothing if it is not made clear that his comments are somewhat presumptuous and underwhelming.

Women in relationships with gay men are the victims of a culture that is astern but pretends to be stable, not the victims of it.

 

It’s a bit disingenuous to imply that women who get married, obliviously, to gay men are in that situation because they support homosexuality and patriarchy.

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Generalisations do no good. If conversations about LGBTQ rights and freedoms in Nigeria will ever come to anything, it would help if either side consider the peculiarities of the other.

As it stands, the Nigerian government wants a country where there are no same-sex relationships, and that is all you have to say about that.

Being an openly gay man in Nigeria means you have plans to leave the country, deep enough pockets, and the kind of courage that comes once in a thousand news cycles.

It shouldn't be surprising that they'd rather go through the motions than live their truth.