Housing: A lease owner can accommodate a squatter without issues and negativity

There might be moral and empathetic limits to the things you can do to your squatter

Sometimes, you cannot escape the concept of a squatter, as a semi-settled Nigerian millennial, be it a friend, family or acquaintance that needs help.

Who is a squatter?

A non-lease owner, living with a lease owner without being a lawful payer of rent or other costs of running the house.

As a squatter, it is no fun, with the freedom to express oneself limited and with other constraints placed on privileges, no matter how free the lease owner is with the squatter.

The idea of a squatter and a lease owner is basically one of borrower and owner. While most squatters know boundaries and are just passing time before settling in their own places, some simply have no boundaries or ambition for independence.

Some are a joy to live with; the pay bills, don’t encroach space, roll with their privileges, clean, cook and run errands, when necessary. The others only want to live like the lease owner and flourish on his privileges.

Some millennial squatters basically outdo themselves, trying to outdo lease owners, albeit from wanton disregard for boundaries or an attitude that means ‘he shouldn’t be angry.’

I assure you that no lease owner, however cordial you might be with him will take encroaching his space excessively without first hand information.

The tale of squatters is however well documented. They can be annoying, insensitive people, but how about when the lease owners cross unnecessary boundaries?

Did I hear you say some squatters deserve it? You’re right, they do. However, how about moments the lease owner overreacts and says regrettable things that he should normally take back.

We understand, he brought a girl into your one-bedroom space without prior information. Yes, we know, he doesn’t contribute to bills and once a day.

Yes, we know, he only cleans on Saturdays and only cares about work. We also know you are tired of him, but are you overreacting to his ‘antics’?

The case for empathy

Have you confirmed that he can afford to spend? Have you considered that he only cleans on Saturdays because he’s lazy or is it because his job is the only way he gets out of your hair.

 

Maybe ask yourself, dear lease owner; why am I taking this squatter on — is it to help him get on his feet and withstand his shortcomings, acknowledging that no one is perfect is it for a person to share some of your responsibilities?

No reason why you cannot want both, but except you are looking for a roommate, shouldn’t the reason for accommodating a squatter majorly be empathetic? Shouldn’t it be about helping him while he finds his feet?

If you can answer these questions, then why do you nah him the entire time for the slightest mistakes? Why do you treat him as dirt to be rooted against?

Why do you talk about some extreme issues of his life over simple issues? If you are tired of him, why don’t you expressly tell him to move out, instead of subtle signs?

Admittedly though, the case of a lease owner is sometimes mixed as whatever he does, he will get judged by society that naturally gravitates towards the underdog barring few exceptions.

Thus, he should set his priorities from the beginning of the relationship.

What’s the solution?

 

It is better to have a meeting of minds before setting out to accommodate anybody. Spell out in clear terms what is acceptable and what isn’t. Create the the rules and don’t assume anything.

If you want any responsibilities shouldered, spell it out to him or her. If possible, you can also know his dreams of independence from this chat, to gauge when he might leave to settle himself.

You could also have conversations on women and when they can come — it’s necessary to afford some extra privileges, however hard.

It might also help to know whom you are accommodating. However, there will be times when you just want to help and conduct no background checks before the squatter moves in.

It still all goes back to setting ground rules and that will help more than most other options. Sometimes though, after understanding priorities, a lease owner should also be prepared to make some concessions.

It is not a right, but a privilege.

The case for respect

For anything to work, mutual respect must be inherent. Importantly, respect for each other’s humanity is essential, as a direct offspring of empathy, which breeds perspective and understanding.

It also involves respect for ground rules — where they exist. Where they don’t, it is necessary to respect each other enough to employ empathy, again bearing perspectives.

They key to empathy in a lease owner-squatter relationship might be empathy, but the key to empathy is mutual respect. Without respect, whatever is sacrosanct will be flouted.

While it is hard, the lease owner can also find a way to respect the humanity of his squatter, if not anything else.